Jaded

Today I realized something about love and loss that completely struck me. In one of the readings for school, a certain author was writing on Love and Mourning. He stated that “mourning is the process of adapting to the losses of our life.” I instantly connected to this article because I am deep within this process, so I read on with anticipation. The reading was mainly about the way we mourn with the death of people we love, but the author stated that we may mourn in a similar fashion with the coming apart of a significant relationship. As I continued to read I realized that with breakups we do mourn the same way we mourn a death: shock, grief, anger, idealization, etc. The only dreadful difference between the death of a person and the death of a relationship is that with a breakup the person you’re grieving over hasn’t actually died. You’re separated from them, but not by a gravestone, by someone’s choice. The relationship has died but the person continues living. It’s so haunting.  You see them pass by, and it feels almost like a ghost; so tangible, yet elusive and uncanny. Something you once knew so well is now unfamiliar.

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This reading did offer hope, however. George Pollock said that “mourning can lead to creative change.” I would love some creative change in my life! The final stage is referred to as the “completion” of mourning. We gain our hopefulness, energy, and stability back and although it is difficult and strenuous, we adapt and recover our ability to invest in life. I slowly feel this happening, I hope it continues. I love seeing the bright side of things.