The Wonder of it All

"Dear Lord, grant me the grace of wonder.

Surprise me, amaze me, awe me in every crevice of your universe.

Each day enrapture me with Your marvelous things without number.

I do not ask to see the reason for it all; I only as to share the wonder of it all."

-Joshua Abraham Heschel

It's adorable.

So I’m having trouble writing an introduction to this, but to start out I’d like to mention how much I love Natalie and Kreddow. They’re so dear to me. We've spent the last half hour or so simply reading while listening to the rain fall on the sidewalk outside. An evening like this might sound dull to some, but amidst the sweet giggles, chitchats, goofy pictures, and loads of junk food, I can't help but think that this is what peace feels like. Moments like this are so tranquil. Our lives are busy and headed in different directions and we've grown so much in these past seven years that one might think that our hearts would be separated by now. And yes, we are separate people, but nothing surpasses the comfort and harmony of relationships that endure. I feel so content in the love of these two. All explanations fall short of the satisfaction I feel right now, all I can say is that I am so thankful to be nestled in the soothing coziness of this evening. There’s no place I’d rather be. 

I also just read this great quote from the Ragamuffin Gospel, it’s a little off topic, but I want to share it!

“The church is not a museum for saints but a hospital for sinners.”

Good thought, right?

I thought so too. :)

Home for the Holidays

My friend sent me this video today.

I like it.

The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours.

So there's this Taylor Swift song called "Ours" and every time I hear it I can't help but think of Jesus. I know that's not the normal response to a love song, but lines like "your hands are tough but they are where mine belong" remind me of this wonderfully heroic man who worked as a carpenter and did everything he could to pursue me. It's so dreamy. And these lyrics make him real to me. I've never really thought about it, but Jesus was human and probably had calloused hands. I can't wait for the day when they hold mine.

This song helps me imagine what it would be like if Jesus were here, right next to me. I picture us walking together and joking, maybe even a little teasing now and then, a slow dance in a gazebo, or a walk on the beach during sunset. I don’t think she meant to, but Taylor nailed it. Life in this world makes our love look hard, but that's okay, “I'll fight their doubt and give you faith with this song for you."

http://www.last.fm/music/Taylor+Swift/_/Ours

3 Months

Because this blog has been a major part of my healing process after the breakup, I think it might be good to dedicate another post to this area of my life. I'm not exactly sure where to go with this, but I think it might be good to write down some of what I've been learning during the past three months, like a breakup survival guide! Let's give this a try...

1. This is actually one of the best things that has ever happened to you. The relationship ended because it was broken. If you have enough money, buy the book, It’s called a breakup because it was broken, or get a friend to get it for you. It will literally change your life.
.

2. It’s important to be authentic. When healing, be real with yourself, and others. Embrace whatever stage you're in. If you're sad, cry. If you're angry, it's okay to be mad! If you feel like moving on, keep moving forward. No one has the power to hold you back but you. It seems like addressing the feelings I have allows me to experience them, and then move on.

3. Trust God, he totally knows what He’s doing.

4. Use your past relationship to help you define want you want from the right relationship. It’s okay to be picky. I'll never make excuses for someone again. Like Dr. Leffel so wisely said, "Felisha, you don't marry potential."

5. Having developer as one of your strengths can be a good thing, but it's a dangerous characteristic to have in an unhealthy relationship.

6. Because of God, we are not defined by the past. He's makes us new, we are forgiven and free. Living carefree in the care of God is the most wonderful place to be.

7. When you love someone and they break your heart don't give up on love, have faith; restart.

-Joe Bros

8. Restoration is a beautiful, painful, and ambiguous process, and trusting God through the experience creates all the more intimacy with him. It's magnificent.

9. Dress how you want to feel. If you want to feel confident, wear your favorite outfit! Even if you're not sure if you’re not sure if you're even leaving the house, even if your heels make you taller than all the guys, even if it takes a little extra time. Trust me, you won't regret it.

10. Forgiveness is for you, and no one else. It’s letting go of the wish that the past was different and no longer holding the offender accountable for the way you feel now. You don’t have to condone the action, but accept that it happened.

11. You can have all the mayonnaise in the world, but you can’t make a chicken salad out of chicken crap. -Granny

12. Family and friends make for one of the greatest support systems. Don’t be afraid to utilize this amazing apparatus.

So all that to say I can totally see that I'm moving forward! This has been one of the hardest things I've ever been though, but the main point is that I'm through it! It's like a healing wound. I know I'll have a scar, but eventually I won't feel it. It gets better every day. As the sore is healing it might get bumped a few times and cause some pain, even healthy healing itches, but as long as I use enough Neosporin and keep myself healthy, things are going to be okay.

He never even let me drive the jeep. Psh. What was I thinking?

Finals and such

"Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control. These two behaviors communicate that it’s okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. Why are we so quick to forget God?"

-Francis Chan

I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on.

I'm back in Cafe 1134 again. There's something about coffee shops and Coronado that make me feel so relaxed. It's like an escape, a safe haven where I can sip a delightful beverage and watch the world pass by, all the while choosing not to participate in it's rushed atmosphere. I especially love coming to a place like this with no time frame, choosing to stay as long as I please. It's freeing.

Anyway, tonight is a little different than most because it's the Christmas Festival! Families are lined up on the sidewalks watching a parade of children, bands, and floats from around the community walk down the main street, which to my advantage can be clearly seen from the loft of this charming little cafe covered in festive twinkle lights. I came here somewhat melancholy, but I am certain that after watching the most beautiful sunset on campus and now experiencing all of this I am sure to leave with a happy tummy and a much lighter heart. While sitting here attempting to tackle the mounds of work ahead of me these next two weeks, I've been listening to Pandora and I heard the most encouraging song! I wanted to share the lyrics, but it's not as impacting without the video. God is wonderful and so good. Despite feeling a little lonely, I feel so loved tonight.

P.S. Santa just drove by on a firetruck. :)

Ice Cream

I absolutely love the message of this quote from Max Lucado, and I every time I read it I want to share it with the world. So world, here it is. :)

"When my daughter was a toddler, I used to take her to a park not far from our apartment. One day as she was playing in a sandbox, an ice-cream salesman approached us. I purchased her a treat, and when I turned to give it to her, I saw her mouth was full of sand. Where I had intended to put a delicacy, she had put dirt.

Did I love her with dirt in her mouth? Absolutely. Was she any less of my daughter with dirt in her mouth? Of course not. Was I going to allow her to keep the dirt in her mouth? No way. I loved her right where she was, but I refused to leave her there. I carried her over to the water fountain and washed out her mouth. Why? Because I love her.

God does the same for us. He holds us over the fountain. "Spit out the dirt, honey," our Father urges. "I've got something better for you." And so he cleanses us of filth; immorality, dishonesty, prejudice, bitterness, greed. We don't enjoy the cleansing; sometimes we even opt for the dirt over the ice cream. "I can eat dirt if I want to!" we pout and proclaim. Which is true—we can. But if we do, the loss is ours. God has a better offer."